Be Magnetic

Let me talk to you for a few minutes before we go anywhere.

You've been in a room when somebody walked in and the room changed. The volume came up a little. People turned. Whatever he was feeling, pretty soon everybody was feeling it. And you've probably thought, some people just have that.

Here's what I think it actually is, and it's simpler than it looks. There was a study a while back where they followed people in a public-speaking contest, scientists trying to explain their work to a crowd. The ones who went furthest didn't share a style. Some were loud, some were dry, some were odd. What they shared was one thing: when they felt something, the room felt it too. That's it. That's the whole gift. Charisma is feeling something for real, and letting it show enough that other people catch it.

And it breaks into three pieces you can actually work on.

One: feel it. Not perform it. Feel it. Most of us learned somewhere to keep it at half. Half-smile, half-laugh, half-interested. Half doesn't carry across a room.

Two: let it out through the face, the hands, the voice, so people can catch it. You've seen a man tell a story about nothing and have the whole table leaning in. The story wasn't the thing. He was lit up and it was catching.

Three, and this is the one nobody talks about: don't catch theirs. The one who changes a room is the one whose mood doesn't change on the way in. Somebody's sour, somebody's bored, somebody's trying to run the table. He stays where he is, and after a minute they're where he is. You set the weather. Nobody sets yours.

So that's what this session is. We're going to find a time you were genuinely lit up, because you have them, everybody does. We're going to make it bigger than it was. We're going to put it in your body so you can carry it. And then we're going to put you in a real room with it. Not louder. Not James Bond. You, with the thermostat turned up a few degrees and your hand on the dial.