Be Present

Let me talk to you for a minute about where you put your eyes.

Most of what passes between two people passes through the face. Whether you like somebody. Whether you're being polite, or warm, or interested, or something more. Your eyes say it before your mouth does.

And that's exactly why it gets awkward when you're nervous. First date, interview, a room where somebody matters. Suddenly you're trying to make conversation and run your eyes at the same time, and it's too much. Too long and you feel like you're staring. Too short and you feel shifty. So you start managing it, and managing it is what makes it strange.

Here's the thing to hold on to: you were born knowing how. A baby two days old can tell when somebody's looking at him. You learned the rest by watching, long before school. There's a rule of thumb if you ever need one: look at somebody's face for about five seconds, eyes to eyes to mouth, an easy triangle, then look away for a second or two while you think about what they said, then come back. Less with strangers, more with friends. That's it. That's the whole pattern, and you've seen it a million times.

But this session isn't about doing the pattern. It's about getting relaxed enough that you stop doing it on purpose and let the part of you that's always known take over. Because you have had hundreds of easy conversations in your life. With a friend. With somebody in your family. With a stranger at a counter. You didn't think about your eyes once. That's the skill. It's already in you. We're just going to get out of its way.