Be Still

Let me talk to you about anger before we do anything with it.

Anger has a job. If somebody comes at you or yours, you need it. It makes you stronger, it turns the pain down, and it burns off the doubt and the self-consciousness. For a few minutes everything is simple and you're sure. That's why it feels good. Somebody said, make a speech when you're angry and you'll make the best speech you'll ever regret.

Here's the cost. When it gets big enough, it takes over the thinking. The angrier you get, the dumber you get; that's not an insult, it's how it's built. A furious man can't see anybody else's side, and the person in front of him stops being a person and turns into a thing in his way. You can guess what that does to a marriage, to kids, to a business. And the old idea that you should "get it out" turns out to be wrong. Letting it out or holding it in, same damage. The getting angry is what hurts you. It's harder on the heart than any other feeling we have. People who run hot are a lot more likely to end up with heart trouble, and that's before you count the relationships.

And the thing that makes it so hard to fix: in the moment, your narrow view feels like the truth. You'd swear to it. An hour later it looks ridiculous. That's not you being weak. It's anger doing exactly what it was designed to do, which is to shut off the part of you that could see another angle.

So the people who don't have an anger problem aren't people who never feel it. They're the ones who can step to the side and see the other angle before it takes the wheel. That's a skill. This session teaches it to the part of you that reacts before you think.

Before we start, think of the situations. The person. The kind of text. The moment in the kitchen. Where would you like to be in charge of yourself for a change?