Be Charming

Before we relax, let me talk to you about something most of us get wrong.

When you let somebody know you like them, you're paying them the biggest compliment there is. You're telling them, out of everybody in this room, you're the one I noticed. That's a gift. And it's supposed to be fun.

You've met people who weren't good-looking and were somehow the most attractive person in the place. And people who were handsome and gave off nothing. The difference is this. The attractive one knew how to show interest. Warmly, openly, playfully. Energy and confidence are attractive no matter what your face is doing, and this is where they show.

And it isn't complicated. You already know the signals; you grew up watching them. Looking at somebody a beat longer and smiling. Actually listening when they talk. An open body, turned toward them. Moving a little closer when it feels natural. Making them laugh, because somebody who's funny reads as somebody who's comfortable. And a lot of people show it the same way back: smiling more, laughing at the thing you said. That's it. It's not a technique. It's letting what's already in you show on the outside.

One rule, and it's the whole thing: honesty. If you're doing it to make somebody else jealous, or to see if you still can, it comes across and it goes bad. If you mean it, it comes across, and it's one of the best things you can give a person: knowing somebody sees them. Hiding it isn't modest. It's withholding. And it's unfair to them, because they never get to know.

So this session does one thing. It takes the warmth you already feel and lets it out. Nothing you have to learn. Something you have to stop holding.